Dining Skills
The dining table has long been a minefield of etiquette blunders, and a place where business is often conducted. Many companies will conduct at least one interview over a table for the express purpose of examining their prospect's manners.
Generally, the individual who extends the initiation to a meal selects the venue - though it is wise to do a bit of research to ensure you accommodate their tastes or dietary restrictions. It is essential to choose a venue that is appropriate for a business meal, in terms of the esteem you have for the persons you invited, as well as the noise level and privacy concerns.
Also, the individual who extended the invitation is responsible for footing the bill. Provide your credit card in advance to the wait staff to ensure that it will be billed to you, and avoid squabbling over the check. If you can arrange for the check to be signed away from the table, all the better - simply excuse yourself from the table (without stating a reason) and go to the wait stand to take care of things. Often, the wait staff will pick up on these things, and take it as a sign that your guest is a person of importance, and will gauge their service accordingly.
Never be seated before your guest arrives: wait in the reception area, standing. Allow the guest to follow the maitre to the table, with yourself trailing the guest (in Europe, the opposite is true). If the guest insists on your going first, just go - don't make a chip-and-dale scene of it.
If you have been networking in the bar area, abandon your drink before proceeding to the dining area, whether you are the host or the guest.
Upon arriving at the table, the guest should choose his seat. Sit beside them (perpendicular, on a square table) if the conversation is to amiable - across from them to create a more adversarial tone.
It's also important to ask your guest about their schedule - commonly, "how are we for time today" - and instruct the wait staff accordingly if they are on a tight schedule.
It's not uncommon to fritter away time in conversation and neglect to place your order - to address this, start with small-talk about the restaurant's offerings. If they don't take the hint, it's acceptable to be more specific: "let's get ordering out of the way."
Generally speaking, price should not be a consideration: the host has chosen the location, and should be prepared to foot the bill if his guest orders the most expensive entree on the menu. However, as a guest, you should order something in the middle-price range - an expensive items suggest you're taking advantage, the least expensive suggests you feel your host is likely to be a cheapskate.
Ordering protocol suggests that the guest should order before the host. If there are multiple persons present, seat the most important guest to your left so that they will order first, and ordering will proceed clockwise, with the host ordering last.
You should also be prepared to match your guests' ordering: if they order soup, salad, and entree, do the same (or there will be an awkward moment when they are being served and you are not dining).
If wine is to be served, it is the responsibility of the host to order it. If you know a guest to be a connoisseur, you may defer to them - but wine can be a very expensive item, so be careful when ceding this power.
An ideal time to delve into the heart of your presentation is between the time ordering is completed and the time the first course is served. It is generally the longest "pause" in the process, when the diners are not distracted by the task of eating. Another time to discuss business is over coffee after the meal - but while food is being served, keep the conversation light.
As the host, you are to set the tempo of the conversation during the course of the meal, and should handle the transition from small-talk to business, and back.
During the meal, the host sets the tempo: others should not begin dining until the host has picked up his utensils, and the host should not do so until all have been served.
Saying "grace" at a business meal is generally not acceptable (unless the meeting is of a religious nature, or a member of the clergy is among the guests).
Toasting is an antiquated, but not yet extinct, tradition. There is an informal toast at the beginning of a meal (the host raises his glass and thanks the guests for coming, nothing more). The second toast, generally more formal, is done at the beginning of dessert: the host stands behind his chair, raises a glass, and toasts the person of honor.
The author doesn't go into much detail about customs, but does mention that either American or continental is considered acceptable.
The "interview lunch" is a special situation. In this instance, the meal is not incidental: the interviewer wants to observe your table manners to know you will not be an embarrassment to the company. The author documents one case where an interviewer purposefully "rigged" the meal to see how the interviewee would react to adverse conditions.
Some situations the author describes:
- If you don't like it, don't eat it. Sending back an improperly cooked steak will delay the rest of the diners, or will put you in a position where you're hurrying to catch up.
- If you must leave the table, you need only say "excuse me" and not give a reason. Sometimes, it's preferable you don't explain.
- Handle all problems discreetly: remember that the conversation is what's most important, and it is not worth interrupting for the sake of a minor problem with the meal.
The author provides a lot of random bits on table manners and how to handle certain foods. These are fairly standard bits of etiquette, unrelated to the business aspect of the event, so I'm skipping them.