Little Things Mean a Lot
The person who pays attention to matters of etiquette has an advantage over one who does not. The author presents a contrived example, but her point is well taken: a person who goes the extra mile to conduct himself well is at an advantage over one whose approach to etiquette is simply to refrain from doing anything appropriate
The author uses four elements: confidence, control, contribution, and connection.
Confidence
Confidence starts with belief in one's capabilities, and they are most often demonstrated by a demeanor of being at ease, to the appropriate degree. And being at ease is not merely knowing what to do, but being so experienced at doing it that it comes as a reflex. If "good manners" are something that one does on special occasions, they will seem forced and unnatural, and the person will appear to lack self-confidence as a result.
Control
In all interactions between people, someone is in control - they are directing the situation, and leading others. Being in the position of control confers power, and control is often gained merely by taking the initiative. A person who is overly aggressive in the way they gain control is poorly received. Etiquette enables a person to take initiative, hence control, in an appropriate manner.
Contribution
Contribution, in its most basic sense, is the art of not being useless or superfluous. People are usually called to a meeting or an event because the organized believes that each person has something to contribute. In business matters, there is generally a structured task to which you are expected to contribute, but there are also contributions to be made in facilitating the interaction among people.
Connection
Connections, establishing relationships with others, is essential to doing business - but beyond merely knowing someone's identity, you must relate to them and develop trust to successfully do business with them, whether as a peer, a subordinate, or a superior. And individuals are more inclined to be open and trusting with a person who demonstrates proper etiquette.
Etiquette is (largely) adaptable to personal style, the qualities and mannerisms of an individual. Etiquette should be adaptable to your persona, and you should not need to change yourself (stress on "self") in a significant way to practice good etiquette.