8: Pyramid Hopping for Fun and Profit
The author refers to the notion of "pyramid hopping," which is leveraging your relationships with people to make contact with those whom they know. The author contrasts this practice with networking, which is generally about making quick and shallow contact with a large number of people.
Pyramid hopping is more in the nature of seeking to establish a connection with someone you know through another person (pursuing friendship with the friends of your direct friends) by leveraging your relationship with a direct contact.
The author discusses social networking, especially in terms of popular Web sites such as Facebook and LinkedIn. Through those sites, you make formal connections with people you know, and can see who else they know.
There's an extended example of an instances in which two people who know a person in common make contact with one another - but this is networking. The difference would be if one of the parties asked the common friend to facilitate the introduction.
There's another account of people who will e-mail a resume to someone, asking if they could help them to find a job. This is somewhat presumptuous and impersonal, and not likely to get much help from someone you don't know well. A better approach would be to call (making the contact more direct) and ask "Whom do you know in the [industry] who might be looking or someone to do [position] in [location]? .... How would you suggest I might contact him?" - and ideally, this person will talk to the other person on your behalf, facilitating the introduction.
This is a more effective approach, as it's more awkward for the other person to refuse help (especially in an interactive conversation), it flatters them (impresses that you consider them to be an important person who's capable of rendering aid), challenges their self-esteem (they may not want to confess that they don't know anyone who can help). It also makes it likely that the individual will put you in touch with others who are relatively high on their own relationship pyramid, which means that the other party will also find it awkward to refuse the request.
Friendly Is Not the Same As Friendship
The author distinguishes between being friendly towards others and being a friend of others. Most people are friendly to everyone they meet in the context of business, even those with whom they have just met - it doesn't mean that a relationship exists between them. It's synonymous with being pleasant and affable.
Friendship, meanwhile, connotes a relationship that both parties support - not only is there a fondness between them, but they spend time together and act in ways to help one another
The author also distinguishes between professional friendships and social ones - which is generally the context of any meeting. In short, a professional friendship is in the context of business. They do not get together just for the sake of one another's company, without some business reason for the interaction.
When there is no business pretense for spending time with another person, it becomes more of a social friendship. This is not necessarily a goal, and the author indicates he has business friends with whom he has never done anything socially, outside of work, and the relationships are just fine. Moreover, there is some danger when a relationship begins to cross those lines, especially if it is with someone outside your company, as it begins to raise questions over whether personal loyalty is clouding one's judgment.
He also notes that a person has social friends who are not professional friends. The example being the friends you have established through other contexts (church, hobbies, or just happenstance) whom you do not do business with - and some of whom you might avoid doing business or recommending to others because they're just not very effective professionals.
Pyramid Hopping Requires Questions
You have to do some recon to be successful at pyramid hopping. At the very least, you have to find out what other people a person knows. This generally isn't something that comes out in normal conversations - you might know of one or two people that another person knows, but most of their own network of friends is a mystery to you.
And so, ask questions: asking "do you know someone who ..." is a fairly common question and is just as comfortable in business (do you know anyone at company?) as it is in personal matters (do you know a good plumber). If your relationship with the other party is strong, they are more likely to make an offer to introduce you with minimal prompting them to do so.
It's worth noting that the author seems to purposefully phrase the question as "Whom do you know ...", probably because it's harder for the other person to shrug off: by suggesting that you think that they are connected to other people, having to admit that they don't know anyone is damaging to their esteem, so they are more likely to put thought and effort into finding a name for you.
The author also notes that the question has to be specific - not only does the other person need enough information to search their memory, but a general question seems impersonal and intrusive, like you're squeezing them for leads.
It's also implied that you should seek to be a resource for others who wish to pyramid-hop. Being able to help others by putting them in touch with people you know contributes to your own value to them. There's a stray note about seeking diversity in your network. If you work in a narrow industry, and know only other people in the industry, chances are they all know one another as well, and you have little value to offer a person who may need help making contacts.
Pyramid Hopping Usually Requires Specifics
Pyramid-hopping is not done merely to assemble a list of contacts (for that, use networking). It is done in a situation where you have a specific need: someone who can recommend a good restaurant in another town, someone who can tutor a child, someone with specialized skills, knowledge, or connections who can be of assistance for a specific reason.
Business referrals are a form of pyramid-hopping. If someone you know well recommends a person, you're more likely to contact that other party than if a complete stranger, or someone you know less closely, gives them an equally positive recommendation. Correspondingly, you are more likely to recommend people you know well rather than those you barely know. It's also worth noting that word-of-mouth endorsement is very powerful.