4: Good Questions Promote Meaningful Dialogue
The author considers the practice of information gathering - a good question, well asked, will elicit a meaningful answer, one that is honest and detailed, and create an atmosphere of comfort with the person who asked it. Conversely, a bad question, or even a good question poorly asked, may elicit a short response, if any at all, and may put the respondent in a defensive posture.
Motives Matter
People are not as superficial as they may seem - they are intelligent, observant, and not easily fooled - and in particular, they will generally seek to understand the motives of another person who attempts to get their attention. This is especially true of salesmen.
He then spins a narrative that seems to have little to do with this: a salesman who repeatedly dropped by a prospect's office, even after being told that the prospect only sees salesmen by appointment, but manages to get in out of persistence, and being forthright about his intentions: that he didn't have an agenda, but wanted to learn about the business to see if there was any need for his products.
Setting Up a Good Question
The author tells a brief anecdote about a seatmate on a plane who gave short, cursory answers to his questions. By that, he was able to tell that the fellow wasn't going to be open to having a discussion, and preferred to be left alone. The author posits some reasons the fellow might not have been interested in socializing with him - fundamentally that some people just aren't the type to open up, or a person who's normally social may be uninterested in certain situations or times.
There is also the notion of reciprocation: if you ask a person where they live, tell them where you live - your openness with them will make them more willing to be open with you. The pattern he illustrates begins with a simple question, then a more detailed follow-up based on the person's answer to the original question, a method of priming the pump.
Most people don't bristle at questions such as "where do you live?" or "what do you do for a living" or "how did you get into it?" But some of the more personal questions will give people some pause. You generally can't ask "where do you like to go on vacation" right out of the gate.
The author returns to one of his odd questions - "tell me something about yourself that would surprise me" - and notes that this is a very risky question. If you just blurt it out, you'll seem clumsy and intrusive, and it will shut someone down. He refers to a person who actually used it, and set it up by explaining that his intention was to get to know his customer better and found the question to be effective - basically, explaining the reason for the question before asking the question itself.
The author notes that his own track record with that one is about 50/50 - half of the people brush it aside cordially, provided he's set it up. The other half answer it - and he gets some really interesting information that can be very telling about a person, and brings him immediately into their confidence.
Also, open-ended questions, which do not lend themselves to a short answer, can be useful in surfacing a lot of details in a manner that is less intrusive than asking a series of more specific questions. The more questions you ask, the more the other person is going to wonder why your'e asking, and make assumptions about your motives.
The author mentions the notion of a "bridge" - you might suggest you're considering a vacation as a means to bridge to asking them about their preferences, though this may be interpreted as disingenuous (especially if it really is, because your lack of interest will become obvious). Another example he gives is of a salesman who catches someone on an "off day" and was able to use that as a bridge to the vacation question.
The author also suggests the permission question: you can acknowledge the question is a bit intrusive, and give the other party an escape hatch, if you begin with "Do you mind if I ask ..." And it's worth noting that most people will answer the question, even when they might not have done so if it was asked outright, and appreciate the courtesy of your approach.
Plan What You Will Ask
While it's commonplace to practice a sales pitch, planning what to tell them about your company and products, few salesmen think to plan questions to ask of the other party to gather information. This can be critical, as practical questions about their needs will help tailor your approach, and planning the "small talk" questions will help develop the relationship.
The author suggests choosing one or more of the questions from his list, with a goal of eventually addressing all 20 questions over time.
It's not uncommon for a salesman to have a battery of questions at the ready, and listens intently for an opportunity to present one - to use something the other person has said as a means to ask, or to bridge to the question they wish to ask. Some of the questions in the list are difficult to work into the conversation. They can't be forced - you must wait for the opportunity to arise.
Hold Up a Book
The author relates that he uses books as a prop to generate conversation. In specific, he had one called "In Search of Excellence" and would use it as a way to set up intrusive questions ("This book tells you that you will never be great unless you ask your customers what they think ... so I would like to ask you some questions.") He remarks that he's had 100% success in getting the customer to play along.
(EN: This seems really hammy to me, and can be especially bad if it's one of those faddish books that have a bad reputation - but a point can be taken: a marketing survey that opens by giving a plausible reason gets better response than one that doesn't explain itself.)
In particular, the author suggests three specific questions:
- What challenges in your work can my company help you with?
- What's the most frustrating thing about being in your business these days?
- What two or three qualities, in your opinion, make a top-notch sales representative?
These are fairly "safe" questions, because they aren't personal in nature and do not require the respondent to disclose privileged information.
It's also worth noting that asking these questions, rather than making assumptions about customers needs, will help you tailor your conversation appropriately.
Don't Suggest an Answer
The tactic of phrasing a question to guide a person to give an expected answer may be effective in some instances, but it makes you seem manipulative. Moreover, if the other party had a different answer in mind, it will frustrate them - it puts them in the mode of having to argue against your suggestion in favor of what they really need from you, which is an adversarial position.
Common Ground
Getting to know someone (and most importantly, to know what they treasure) is a slow process, which generally begins with an attempt to define common ground, a slow process of moving from topics that are "safe" to those that are more personal.
The author provides a long list of suggested topics that can define common ground: cars, clothes, sports, hobbies, pets, family, business acquaintances, art/music, schools and social clubs, their home town or native country, etc.
If their details are unfamiliar, you can ask questions to learn more about it - but if you have a connection to a topic (their son plays football, and so does yours, or maybe you played as a kid, or maybe your nephew), you can mention that - it enables you to ask follow-up questions out of natural curiosity, but it also creates a subtle sense of connection and similarity.
One warning: do not claim to have backgrounds and interests similar to your prospects. This is actually a tactic in some areas, especially those in which the encounter is brief enough that the salesman is unlikely to be caught in a lie.
The author tells a (plausible) anecdote about being in a three-hour flight, seated next to a complete stranger. He was able to define common ground by asking a few questions, spent the flight chatting with the fellow at some length. When the flight landed, the other man exchanged business cards with him, and even introduced him to family who were waiting on the plane to arrive.
The ability to leverage common ground to gain access, and develop trust, should convince those that feel that "idle chitchat" is a waste of time to reconsider their stance.
Make Them Think
The author spins another anecdote that doesn't quite seem to get to a point. Seems to be a simple reverse-psychology trick where he tells a client that he's not going to try to "sell" him, just wants to ask a few questions, but the process of answering the questions led the mark to think about his loyalty to a competing product and change his mind.
(EN: there's a fair amount of rambling here, and the author speaks in general terms and uses a few more anecdotes to show the importance of getting people to think - but there's a psychological basis to this: people fall into patterns of behavior, which they are reluctant to change, and will defend them against external critics. Asking questions and providing information in a non-threatening manner enables the individual to recognize the ritual nature of behavior and re-evaluate it internally.)
Ways to Gain Respect
In general, people regard others as neutral in terms of respect: they know nothing about the other person, and have no reason to hold them in high or low regard. Respect is built or undermined by your conduct, from the moment you meet, and the way in which you choose to interact with them.
(EN: This isn't entirely true. People have prejudices and biases that may set a base level of respect higher or lower - and especially in the business environment, they may do research on your company and yourself, personally, before ever meeting you in person, that will shape their perceptions.)
The author has a few more quotes and anecdotes, but the key points are that the respect others show you reflects that which you show to them. Also, your poise, confidence, and self-esteem are important - a person who seems reserved or guarded puts others on edge and makes the suspicious of their motives for being so elusive, even if it's just the consequence of natural shyness. Being sincere and genuine is critical.