6: Influence - Load the Dice
A leader in any context is a person who relies upon his followers to take action that will achieve outcomes, and must use influence in order for them to achieve the outcomes by their efforts rather than his own. Influence is essential to leadership, and the more influential you are, the better and more effective a leader you will be.
The author subscribes to the notion of servant leadership: it is not about getting the outcome that you personally desire, but that which is desirable to your organization. And in order to gain compliance, the outcomes must also be desirable to those who will achieve them - the subordinates consent to being led. The most powerful leaders do not seek personal power, but seek to empower those whom he leads.
She also subscribes to the notion that emotion is the basis of influence, suggesting that 90% of actions are based on emotion, and that the emotional part of the human brain works four times faster than the rational part.
(EN: While these suggestions are based on neurological observation, the interpretations that are subject to dispute, and qualified neuroscientists have dismissed these very notions. While the emotional center of the brain is active in 90% of actions, that does not mean it is in the driver's seat; while it responds four times faster, it is the difference of milliseconds and does not drive action without engagement of reason. And to take it a step further, emotion is a pre-set response that is defined in advance by reason, though in a sloppy and superficial manner - it is not different to logic but represents a sloppy logical shortcut, but is still based on reason. So the notion that emotion and reason are two different things is a fallacy that will likely mislead this author and render her conclusions dubious, if not entirely invalid.)
Influence is not about telling people what to do, it's about stimulating their desire to do it. It's about understanding their goals, seeing how yours coincide - and it requires more than just barking orders, as you must also empower them to take action.
Building rapport is important to leadership. The animal brain quickly sorts out friend from foe - friends are those who support and respect us, foes are those who use us and have no concern for our welfare. Unless and until you fall into the "friend" category with your followers, you will not be able to lead them. You will not have their loyalty, because they know they do not have yours. (EN: Astute, but also binary. I would posit that friend/foe is more of a sliding scale and is very situational - trust is given to extent and degree, and is based on the perception of the immediate situation, though our broader relationship and prior experience with a person may bias the assessment.)
Rapport is critical to developing a sense of safety, and it is only in the context of safety that the higher mind can be fully engaged. Any sense of threat puts people on the defensive, too concerned about the potential threat to focus on achievement. It only takes one predator to put a herd of a thousand antelopes on edge and ready to flee. Survival trumps any other impulse.
On its most basic level, similarity creates a sense of safety: people feel safe with those whom they consider to be like themselves. So the first step in creating rapport is to establish this sense of similarity - in human terms, common interests and common goals.
She mentions the psychological tactic of mirroring - using gestures, expressions, and language that matches that of another person creates a sense of similarity and harmony. People do this unconsciously: observe any married couple, and the degree to which they mirror one another is highly indicative of the degree to which there is harmony in their relationship = and conversely, the lack of mirroring is indicative of strife. It is also observable in groups, particularly teenagers, who form into cliques in which they mimic each other's behavior, language, gestures, and style of dress and adornment.
Mirroring can be seen among adults in business situations: the degree to which they adopt the same posture, mimic key gestures or words, match one another's tone and rate of speech, or in "energy dynamics." But just as with the married couples in the previous example, the degree to which people mirror one another is a reliable indicator of harmony within a group.
(EN: This becomes a chicken-and-egg argument as to whether mirroring is the result of rapport or can be done to create rapport. There's evidence that it works both ways, but I tend to believe it is a result rather than a cause of harmony on more than a superficial level.)
Manipulation
There are various "tricks" used to influence others that are often characterized as manipulation - which is fair enough because they are often used in manipulative ways. The difference between positive influence and manipulation is in the intent in the use of these tactics.
If you use influence techniques to undermine a person rather than empower them, to get them to do things that are in your own interests rather than their own, then you are being manipulative. Influence requires understanding the other person's perspective and guiding them in a positive direction.
The catch is that the same techniques are used by both influencers and manipulators. Like any tool, it can fall into the wrong hands and used the wrong way.
Mental Maps
She uses the metaphor of a "map of the world" to convey that each person has their own perspective, based on their own perceptions and experiences, and it is largely unique to the individual. An individual's identity and beliefs is the basis of their motivation to act.
The map can be edited, but resists external contradiction - which is to say that people may change their maps as a result of information you provide to them, but only to a certain degree: you do not have direct influence or control over their map. What changes the map is additional information, but a person weighs this information against what they already have and makes their own decision to accept or ignore it, and how to edit their map.
When a person seeks education of self-improvement, they are editing their map. In essence, they are changing their beliefs and adopting new perspectives. It is much easier to make this sort of change because it is desired from the onset.
Map-changing information also arises during the course of experience. Our beliefs are challenged, or should be, when real-world experience contradicts them. We must resolve the conflict and edit our map.
Influence requires you to understand another person's map, rather than trying to replace it with your own. It's easiest to influence people if you can speak in terms of their map - but even if you need to convince them to edit their map, understanding the as-is state is necessary to understand the changes you must make.
Relationships of all kinds, business and personal, often involve the alignment of maps, and this is done in an egalitarian manner: a subordinate can adjust his superior's map. Once people are using the same map, or at least understand the differences in their personal maps, they collaborate more effectively.
The Outcome Frame
One particular problem is that people often do not understand their own maps. They act in a way that seems natural without considering the reasons why it should feel natural. They resist suggestions that seem unnatural with just as little consideration - it's "gut feeling" - and as such they have some difficulty making positive changes.
Another obstacle is that people defend their maps because they have led them to success in the past. This is in line with the efficiency of the brain, to expect the same results from the same actions under the same conditions - but we often fail to notice when conditions have changed, such that the same results will not be achieved.
The author has a series of simple questions she calls the "outcome frame" to build awareness, which is something you can do for yourself as well as helping others to do the same.
She then goes into a long narrative that does not clearly delineate the concept, outside of the specific and contrived details of the tale.
Rapport: Precondition for Influence
Rapport creates a sense of safety, and it is only when we feel safe that we can objectively consider the defensive mechanisms of the animal brain and apply conscious effort to diffusing and rewiring them.
People are social creatures, and often build rapport without making a purposeful effort to do so - but can be more effective if they examine the factors that are used to build rapport, of which the author identifies five=:
- Physical Body - Mirroring posture and full-body expression to create a sense of similarity.
- Vocal Analog - Matching tone, pace, pitch, volume, phrasing, and breathing. It's not mimicking their accent, but matching these other qualities.
- Words and Gestures - These are readily observable, and are often demonstrated by followers: when their leader uses a peculiar phrase, they find themselves adopting it within minutes. Adopting another person's words and gestures is an indicator that you understand and agree.
- Sensory Systems - While we all have five senses, we tend to favor one. Foremost people, it is vision, audio, and tactile - scent and taste are very uncommon, but can also be very powerful. The metaphors a person uses disclose their sensory preference - whether "I see what you mean" or "I hear you loud and clear" or "I feel the same way" - and staying within their sense-preference leads to increase sense of harmony and agreement.
- Meta-Programs - The author offers nothing at this time, suggesting it is rather complex and will need its own chapter (the next one in this book) to describe.
For each of these items, the author points out that they are naturally occurring behaviors you can see taking place among groups of people who are in agreement. They can also be done intentionally, though that can be difficult to pull off.
Flexible Behavior
Most people are dreadfully predictable: if you know them well, you can predict what they will do or say in given situations with a high degree of accuracy. This is the result of the brain attempting to be efficient, to reference a "default" reaction rather than trying to figure out what to do each time we encounter a common stimulus.
In the same sense, people are resistant to change, because they wish to cling to patterns of behavior to which they have grown accustomed, as there is comfort and certainty - we expect that consistent actions will provide consistent results, and the behavior is further reinforced and encouraged when it proves true through as few as two trials.
On one hand, consistency of behavior is a challenge to leaders because more often than not they are asking people to change their behavior. On the other hand, you come to know a person's reaction, which enables you to know how to approach him in the way that is most likely to gain his cooperation.
She then describes some stereotypical methods of approaching people: mommy, drill sergeant, buddy, professor, anthropologist, etc. We may start in one mode and switch to another if the original approach does not seem to be working. (EN: It seems like a way to personify specific characteristics, but it's a bit oversimplified and cartoonish.)
In attempting to influence, many people have one or two modes that they use regularly - without thinking much about whether their default mode is the most appropriate and productive in a given situation. To be successful requires a leader to recognize this and refrain from automatically using the mode that is most comfortable for them, but instead choose the mode that is most comfortable for those whom they are trying to influence.
Influencing Phrases
Influencing phrases are valuable to help shift people out of their animal/defensive state and begin using their higher mind. There are three basic kinds of influencing phrases:
- "What if ..." Asking this question causes a person to consider the results of a choice, which requires reasoning through the consequences of actions.
- "I need your help." This is a very effective way of asking a person to make a change in their behavior. Making a demand implies an "or else" threat, but asking for help is a gentle request that empowers the other person to provide assistance.
- "Would it be helpful if ..." Proposes an action that you can take to support them, rather than something you intend to do regardless of how it impacts them.
Each of these phrases is non-threatening and gives the other party an option to consider, engaging their thinking mind and focusing them on the future.