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Chapter 6 - Gender and Body Language

(EN: Given that there are political sensitivities toward the topic of gender, the author begins this chapter by rather gently informing the user that it is rather foolish to dismiss any notion that men and women are different as politically motivated. While stereotypes and prejudices exist, there is clear evidence that gender is a determinant of behavior - whether for genetic or cultural reasons. Some stereotypes turn out to be quite accurate, and as the present book is based on practical advice, they must be acknowledged, such as they are, and accounted for.)

This chapter considers the ways in which gender can influence the body language of leaders, the way that men and women react differently to emotion and stress, the communication strengths of male and female leaders, and how to alter or accommodate your own body language to be more effective.

The Neuroscience of Gender

In terms of research and gender, it's not a question of which gender is better than the other - merely acknowledging that the two are different.

The notion that upbringing and socialization are the cause of gender differences has been questioned by physiological observations about the brain: men have 6.5 times as much grey matter (localized brain activity) than women, and women have nearly 10 times as much white matter (connections between activity centers) as do men. Because of this, men tend to be better at focusing intently on one task at a time, whereas women tend to be better at assimilating information from various sources.

It is also found that there are different patterns of electrochemical activity in the brain when emotions are experienced: women are more empathetic, and men seek to take action. This has to do with the manner in which the temporal-parietal junction is engaged in the male brain: while women seek to understand the context of a problem, men seek to find a solution. It is suggested that the traditional roles (male hunter, female homemaker) have also caused male and female brains to evolve in different ways, to better support these functions.

This is expressed in the business environment, in that women in positions of leadership tend to behave differently than men in the same positions. And again, it is not a matter of which is "better" - as the most effective approach is sometimes one or the other - and quite often neither.

Why Women Don't Lead

Women have crossed the 50% threshold to become the majority of the American workforce, and the majority of college graduates - but in spite of this, few have risen to the top: there are only ten companies in the Fortune 500 led by female CEOs.

There is a great deal of speculation about this, largely centered on the notion that people believe that the characteristics typically associated to men (forcefulness, self-confidence, and goal-orientation) are more germane to leadership than those of women (empathy, nurturing, and people-orientation) - though it should be self-evident that the male characteristics are more closely related to personal performance than organizational management.

It's also been observed in ethnographic studies (Butler 1990) that, in team situations, ideas proposed by women receive a more negative response than those proposed by men. When a woman states her opinion, negative nonverbal cues are evident (frowning, head-shaking, avoidance of eye contact, etc.) in other members of the team. Not only does this make it less likely that there will be consensus to act on a woman's suggestions, but the constant negative nonverbal feedback she encounters may discourage her from presenting her ideas in future.

This is not merely male chauvinism discounting the contributions of females - as even women react more negatively to ideas proposed by women. (It's speculated that this behavior by women may be imitative - they are attempting to "fit in" with male colleagues by being more dismissive of female ones.)

As such, even firms that attempt to address the problem of sexism are still prone to promote male employees that female - management may set objective criteria to recognize the contributions of individuals and ignore their gender, but given that women's ideas are less likely to be accepted and implemented than men's ideas, they can show fewer accomplishments.

Gender-Based Differences in Nonverbal Communication

The author provides a list of some differences in the way men and women communicate. (EN: Only one of which cites a study as evidence, and a few others refer to articles in non-scholarly business publications, so take this list with a grain of salt.)

• Women are more adept than men in identifying nonverbal cues from others, and are more likely to adjust to the signals they receive from others (notably, backing down rather than pressing forward when they receive negative feedback)
• Women are also more nonverbally expressive than men (less able to conceal when they are nervous or uncertain)
• Women approach people facing directly toward them, a posture that is interpreted as confrontational by males, who often angle their bodies slightly.
• While men nod only to indicate agreement, a woman's nod may be intended to encourage the speaker or empathize with them (which sends a "false signal" that causes dissonance when they later state that they were not in agreement)
• Women are less comfortable than men when someone is not making eye contact or providing other nonverbal encouragement, and more likely to feel rejected and become disengaged
• Women stand closer to people they have just met than do men, who interpret this invasion of personal space as aggressive until a relationship has been developed
• Women use touch to connect to people, and to express agreement, sympathy, compassion, connection, and celebration. Men do not touch others often - those who have more power in a relationship touch those with less power, and not vice-versa (except when it is their intent to reject or challenge authority or status).
• Women attempt to minimize their use of space: keep their elbows to their sides, tightly cross their legs, and otherwise attempt to take up as little space as possible. Men sprawl when sitting or take a more open stance when standing (legs further apart, hands further from the torso), as consuming space is a sign of assertiveness and power.
• Women use more emotional tones of voice (approximately five in a given conversation) and their voices rise under stress. Men use only about three tones, and do so for emphasis rather than reaction.
• Women's voices have a higher pitch and are perceived as being more child-like than men. A deep and loud voice is perceived as being more confident and assertive by both genders.
• Men minimize their use of facial expressions and remain stoic. Women use more expressions, and take men's lack of expression as disinterest or disapproval.
• Women feel more anxious than men when they are unable to assess the emotional state of a conversational partner, and will change her behavior to elicit emotional cues or responses.
• Women smile more often than men, which is perceived as nervousness or uneasiness unless there is a clear reason that they should be amused.
• Women are less likely to express anger and hostility nonverbally, and will restrain until they are overtaxed, at which point their behavior seems dramatic and inexplicable. Men slowly ramp up nonverbal signals of negative emotions - should they explode the other party was given ample warning.
• Women are also more likely to express positive emotions, whereas men tend to conceal them.
• Men use body language to support the verbal component of their message, whereas women use body language to augment it.
• Culturally, a woman's voice is perceived as attractive if it seems youthful, playful, and shallow, and she may (consciously or unconsciously) attempt to emphasize these qualities in order to be attractive. Meanwhile, men's voices are perceived as attractive when they seem mature, serious, and intelligent.
• When a woman expresses strong emotion, the pitch and speed of her voice increase, which signals fear and uncertainty. When a man expresses strong emotion, his pitch and speed decrease, which signal assertiveness and confidence.

Leadership Styles of Men and Women

Some differences are observed in both laboratory and field observational studies in the way that leaders of different gender interact with their subordinates.

Generally speaking, women leaders tend to be more interactive with their followers, seeking to build consensus and collaborate. Their empathetic style makes their subordinates feel empowered, but also decreases their perception of her own power as their leader. Women are concerned with the needs of their subordinates, which is warming but makes them seem less serious about achieving goals. They encourage their subordinates to cooperate with one another.

Men tend to be more aloof, using authority and control to gain obedience and discourage resistance. This style makes subordinates feel disempowered, but also causes them to regard their leader as strong and decisive. Men are also most concerned with achieving goals and seem indifferent to the personal needs of their subordinates. They encourage their subordinates to compete with one another.

The author observes that there are instances in which one or the other of these leadership styles is most effective in a given situation - and suggests that leaders of both genders should consider the choices they make (and the consequences of them) to the success and morale of their team. Ultimately, it is good to have both sets of behavior represented in leadership - but a person who clings tightly to their default style may find that they are considered to be effective in some roles but not others.

Body Language of Male and Female Leaders

The author cites some of her own research into the communication styles of men and women in positions of authority - largely a survey of subordinates' perceptions of their leaders.

Advantages

The three greatest communication strengths of male leaders were identified as:

1. Physical Presence - Men simply "look more powerful" than women, which creates a sense of respect and confidence in their subordinates
2. Direct Approach - Men are straightforward and get straight to the point, so subordinates are confident that they understand.
3. Nonverbal Power - The gestures, expressions, and posture of men communicate power and control, which again creates a sense of respect and confidence in their subordinates.

The three greatest communication strengths of female leaders were also identified:

1. Intuition - Women have the ability to pick up on subtle cues and have more insight into what is really going on.
2. Listening - Women focus more than men on giving attention to a person who is speaking and understanding what they say before replying.
3. Empathy - Women convey a sense of friendliness, warmth, and approachability and are generally more "tuned in" to others.

It's obvious that these skills or qualities are very closely correlated to the leadership styles identified in the previous section: men wield authority, women build consensus.

Disadvantages

The author observes that the perceived weaknesses of male and female leaders are very often a restatement of their strengths.

The three greatest communication weaknesses of male leaders were identified as:

1. Bluntness - Men can be overbearing and intimidating to others.
2. Callousness - Men do not seem to care about how others feel, rely too much on what is practical and logical and completely ignore the emotional impact.
3. Arrogance - Men value their own opinions highly, and do not seem to care what others have to say. They even tend to interrupt others or refuse to listen.

The three greatest communication weaknesses of male leaders were identified as:

1. Drama - Women let their feelings show too much and often seem like they are losing control. Other times they ham it up, exaggerating their emotional state to manipulate or confuse others.
2. Indecisive - Women talk around an issue and never get to the point, particularly when faced with a tough decision or delivering a message that will be unpleasant.
3. Immaturity - Women often rely on "girlishness" or attractiveness to influence others, rather than keeping covnersaations logical, practical, and professional.

Body Language Tips

The author mentions that her work as a coach and consultant often places her in contact with individuals whose nonverbal behavior is already effective in certain situations (they would likely never have found their way into leadership positions if they were completely hapless) but who have recognized that there are often situations in which the signals they are sending are not effective or counterproductive.

Tips for Women

Women are often capable of projecting warmth and empathy and do well in situations in which they must get people to collaborate and work together - but they are often not very good at projecting authority and credibility. To that end ...

• Control Inflection. Women often raise the pitch of their voices at the end of sentences that are not questions. This makes them seem uncertain. Try to be aware of this, particularly when you need to make a firm point, and drop the tone near the end of the sentence.
• Claim Space. Women have a tendency to make themselves seem smaller, and "small" is unimportant. Work on standing upright, broadening your stance, and keeping your hands away from your torso.
• Control Smiling. Women tend to smile to mask negative emotions - when discussing a sensitive subject, expressing dissatisfaction, or giving negative feedback. Smiling is incongruous in those circumstances.
• Stop Touching Yourself. Women develop self-pacifying behaviors to deal with stress - twirling their hair, adjusting jewelry, touching their necks, and so on. These signals may be read as flirtation (which is never appropriate) or a lack of confidence. Make an effort to keep your hands away from your body.
• Curb Your Enthusiasm. Women tend to express emotions in a more dramatic manner than men, and this is often read as being panicked or frantic. When it is important to project a tone of authority or gain confidence, be aware: slow down your speech and do not vary your pitch as much.
• Speak Up. Women tend to yield to others in tense or important conversations, and in particular to yield the floor to men. Learn to interrupt when it is necessary, and learn to discourage others from interrupting you when you have something important to say.
• Hold Your Head Up. While tilting the head is a signal that you are interested and involved in what the other person is saying, it is also a "universal sign of acquiescence and submission."
• Maintain Good Eye Contact. Women are more inclined to look at a person's mouth when they speak, which is also a common sign of sexual interest. Keep focus on a person's eyes, not their mouth.
• Dress Conservatively. Specifically, dress to project power, not attractiveness. Women who dress in "sexy attire" are viewed as less credible and less intelligent, even by other women.

Tips for Men

Men who rise to leadership positions are often already effective in projecting authority and credibility, but seem cold and distant, and as such have difficulty getting others to contribute rather than merely comply. Tips follow to project warmth and empathy, to become the kind of leader followers respect and support.

• Be Human. While the ability to conceal emotions is an advantage in hostile or competitive situations, being "more human" is necessary with others if you wish to have a more collaborative and egalitarian relationship with them.
• Look at the Speaker. Men tend to let their gaze wander when listening to someone speak - and while they are still listening, the other party gets the impression that they are not listening, not interested, or bored.
• Listen Actively. Rather than simply picking out key terms that confirm your assumptions when someone else is speaking, try to understand what they are actually saying. Give full hearing to their description of the problem before suggesting a solution. Also, ask if your opinion is wanted - sometimes people just want to vent.
• Lighten Up. Men tend to be stoic and unexpressive - and some bosses wear a constant scowl. Make a point to appear lighthearted and relaxed. When you speak to a team, consider the emotions you want to convey, not merely the facts.

Accept That Men and Women are Different

It's long been recognized that men and women are different: different in their temperament, perception, understanding, intuition, cognition, communication skills, and a host of other ways that are too numerous to explore in the present book. The differences are so well and so deeply established that this is unlikely to change. Aside of being deeply ingrained in every human culture, much of the differences are biological.

It is likely that a hundred or a thousand years from now, men and women will still be different, so our approach should not be to insist on a complete dismissal of gender, nor insistence that people act exactly the same. The best the author hopes for is that men and women can become aware of these differences and adjust their behavior in those situations in which their gender-based proclivities are counterproductive.