Alienation
The author speaks of the "social trance," which is an intense and exclusive focus on a social activity. An individual who becomes caught up in conversation becomes inattentive to other things. He becomes unaware of his surroundings and inattentive to he passage of time.
It is easier to become caught up in solitary activities, as this requires only one person to focus on one thing. The social trance requires two people to become intensely focused on their interaction. Such a "unio mystic" is rare - it is far more common for communication to be disjointed.
The term "alienation" is used to describe the disruption of this trance - to be one moment completely engrossed in a social encounter, and in the next to feel disjointed, uneasy, and awkward.
Involvement Obligations
When individuals are in one another's presence, their attitude toward one another is expressed in "a multitude" of conscious and unconscious words, gestures, and acts. The primary social function of these signals is to indicate their interest in interacting with one another: whether one desires to engage with or avoid engagement with the other, and vice versa.
The overt and intentional signals are often matters of social etiquette - the sense that it is socially appropriate or inappropriate for them to interact based on their roles. There are also components of their behavior that are entirely unintentional, pre-cognitive, and instinctive that may agree or disagree with the intentional ones. The waiter, resigned to serve a customer he finds personally repugnant, will thus send mixed signals - intending to communicate his willingness to serve but belying his personal revulsion with his customer.
The ceremonial rituals of social interaction are often quite superficial: they govern behavior in brief and functional exchanges between individuals. It is therefore quite simple to act in one's role for the duration of a formal encounter, doing only what is functionally necessary for the other party. The longer the engagement, the greater the chances that personal sentiments that are contrary to the functional requirements of the role will become evident.
From this comes the need to keep contact brief in most formal encounters. When acting in one's "professional" role, there are seldom occasions that require interacting with a customer for more than a few moments. Even service encounters that require prolonged contact, such as a psychologist with a patient or a barber with his customer, last more than an hour.
Given the brevity of contact and the focus on function, true social engagement almost never occurs in professional relationships. To attempt to engage a professional in a social encounter is a breach of etiquette: it is entirely inappropriate for either party to attempt to prolong the encounter or extend its scope beyond the functional necessity of the service interaction.
Engagement therefore exists most often in spontaneous encounters, in which there is no functional purpose to restrict the scope and duration of interaction between individuals.
There are socially inept individuals who have difficulty maintaining a separation of the two - the waitress who flirts with customers or vice versa - and it is generally considered a social grace to coach such a party gently back to the limits of their role in the encounter. That is, each person in a social encounter is expected not only to maintain their own role, but to act in a manner that allows others to remain in theirs as well.
There's a last bit on this manner, that it is a matter of economics to minimize the cost (time) involved in a social encounter without reducing the functional benefit. Anything that is not functionally necessary is, from a practical perspective, waste that is to be avoided. From this perspective, the act of alienating another person - whether discouraging or cutting short a social encounter - is functional in the elimination of waste in professional engagements.
Forms of Alienation
Immersion in social engagement is "a precarious unsteady state" and alienation from it is likely to occur at any time.
External Preoccupation
Preoccupation considers a focus on events that occurred before the social encounter that prevent an individual from giving adequate attention to their immediate situation. It may be that more important matters occupy his mind and he is unable to focus upon the present encounter - though he may also be preoccupied with matters that are less important.
Preoccupation may be voluntary (the individual is consciously attempting to maintain focus on something else) or involuntary (he wishes to give attention, but other matters intrude upon his thought).
Unless the other party is aware of his reason for being preoccupied, his absent-mindedness in the present encounter may be interpreted as a lack of interest, prompting the other party to disengage as well.
A person distracted by other matters faces a dilemma of etiquette: to give offense by refusing to engage in conversation, or to give offense by engaging at the risk of being distracted by other matters.
Self Consciousness
The functional goal of any encounter is accomplished by the conversation itself, but we are constantly aware of ourselves as participants in the conversation - how well we are representing our role and forwarding our interests by participating in the encounter. When the awareness of self becomes a distraction from the conversation, it becomes a source of alienation.
In extreme instances, an individual may seem to dwell upon himself as the topic of conversation - though it is possible for a narcissist to be self-centered without being self-conscious about it.
Self-conscious does not always originate within the self: it is possible for others, intentionally or not, to make a person become self-conscious - focusing on his person, or his role in the conversation, rather than the topic of the conversation.
Self-conscious also arises as a result of success of failure in the encounter. Self-consciousness is the way in which an individual may rejoice in success or lament in failure during the course of an encounter: their focus shifts from the content of the conversation to its impact on themselves.
Interaction Consciousness
A participant in an encounter may become distracted by the formalities of interaction - to bring attention to the points of protocol without considering whether it is purposeful to do so. Those who interrupt conversation to correct someone's grammar or comment on manners are guilty of this form of distraction.
In some social encounters, one or more individuals may be in a role in which they are expected to be attentive to protocol: the hostess at a social event or the chairman of a committee is expected to intervene in interaction to ensure that protocols are being followed - but only when it is necessary for them to do so in order to facilitate interaction.
Where social interaction is proceeding fluidly even though points of protocol are being neglected or ignored, it is generally considered bad form to derail interaction on points of protocol.
Other Consciousness
This pertains to the distracting awareness of other participants in a conversation, which is similar to being distracted by oneself. This is often shown in a person who is shy or easily intimidated by others - unable to conduct himself in a social encounter because he is overly aware of the rank and station of other persons.
Conscious of others can also be alienating in instances where a person is insincere or flattering of others. He is less concerned with the topic of the conversation that he is in ingratiating himself to other participants.
Another social blunder consists of making others overly aware of oneself - being immodest or putting on airs to make oneself a distraction from the function of the encounter. This may be seen as a form of self-consciousness, except that the point of it is to make others aware of oneself, not to be aware of oneself regardless of the perception of others.
There is also the mention of over-involvement, which is another self-referential behavior done for the sake of others. A person who feigns too great an interest is often doing so in order to make an impression upon others - to be perceived as the kind of person who is concerned, even though he is not particularly concerned.
A final form of other-consciousness is distraction with some quality of another person that has little to do with a conversation. A person's physical appearance, gestures and expressions, or unconscious tics and habits may become a distraction from a social encounter. In general, we are expected to focus on the matter of the conversation, rather than being distracted by the person of the speaker.
The Affectation of Involvement
By the affectation of involvement, the author simply means pretending to be interested in a conversation - whether it is because a person thinks that the conversation will develop into something interesting, being courteous to another person, or because of the obligations of one's role.
Alienation can occur when the person who is feigning interest in the conversation finds himself unable to maintain the illusion, or when the other party recognizes that his interest is being feigned. In the latter case, the reaction generally depends on how the deception is interpreted: if it is taken as cynicism or tactfulness.
Pretense of interest may occur at the onset of a conversation, or during its course when a person has lost interest but is attempting to become reengaged - faking engagement until he actually does become engaged.
There is a brief consideration of instances where a person will attempt to subtly demonstrate his disengagement in a conversation - to subtly signal to the other party that his interest has ended and the conversation should be brought to a graceful close. In such instances, the individual is giving the offending party a chance to save face.
In other instances, overt signs of boredom are meant as a means of concealing embarrassment. This is particularly true when a person is unable to follow a conversation and respond appropriately: he will pretend that he was not paying attention rather than admit he was unable to understand.
In general, we are expected to be genuine in our interaction with others - showing interest only when it is actually felt. While feigning interest is often meant as consideration, it is always a sign of being disingenuous.
It is also expected to recognize signs of disinterest in others, rather than bore them with conversations they wish no part of. But in order for us to do so, the other party is required to give recognizable signals.
Generalizing the Framework
The term "involvement obligation" is used to consider the degree to which a person is expected or required by his role to be involved in conversation: he may be expected to be involved, involvement may be seen as optional, or involvement may be prohibited. The involvement obligation is not always the same on all parties present.
The function of conversation is tantamount in considering involvement obligations: whether the input of someone is necessary, they will be obliged to provide it. For example, when officers are engaged in conversation, enlisted men are expected not to join - but if their input is necessary one of the officers will ask them explicitly to join the conversation.
There's mention of the physical staging of encounters as a means to indicate involvement obligations. Where one person speaks from a podium, the audience is expected to passively listen without engaging the speaker. For a panel discussion, those who are placed upon a stage are expected to speak at leisure, while anyone not situated on the stage is meant to understand that he is not part of the conversation.
There are also nonverbal exchanges, which the author refers to as "pseudo-conversations." He does not provide any example of such encounters.
Likewise, there's an overly brief mention of "unfocused conversation" which includes both speech and acts that are directed to a general audience rather than anyone in particular. Consider the example of a siren, which is a noise made to tell people in general to make way.
Conclusion
Most social encounters rely upon the participants to maintain focus on their interactions with others - the encounter has not really occurred unless all are engaged. Consider talking to someone who is not listening - one cannot say this is a "conversation" at all.
In social life, we are often required to give attention to encounters even when we are not interested. Generally, those who have rank or status are privileged to inflict themselves on those of lower rank, who are required by their role to give attention.
It's also noted that a social encounter generally has an uneven benefit: one party gets more from the encounter than the other, hence has a greater interest in initiating and maintaining social contact.
It is a matter of reciprocation to give attention to others and serve their interests, with the understanding that others will give attention to us and serve ours. To fail to do so is to be regarded as one-sided or mercenary.
And yet, particularly in modern life, there is a need to strike a balance in encounters: to avoid wasting time with matters that provide no benefit while still being sufficiently supportive of the needs of others in society.