6: Anger
There are multiple theories about the emotion of anger, but none seems sufficient. There may be multiple sources of this emotion.
The most effective method of evoking anger is interference - to restrain a person's movements, or to prevent them from doing something on which they are intent. The emotion arises when the interference was accidental, and we can even become angry at inanimate objects, but anger becomes stronger if we believe it to have been deliberate.
When someone attempts to harm us - our person or those things we feel necessary to the preservation of a desired status quo - the natural response is fear of injury or loss coupled with anger at the cause of the threat.
It's also noted that anger tends to feed upon itself: two people can escalate one another's emotional agitation quickly. It requires restraint to avoid responding to anger with anger.
Disappointment in ourselves and others also causes anger. The closer the relationship, the stronger the anger when we feel they are interfering with our interests. We may be angry because of something they have done or about something that they failed to do, even if the other person had no idea what was expected of them.
Another source of anger is a simple difference in beliefs. The fact that someone believes something contrary to our own beliefs is an indication that our beliefs may be wrong, and this is a threat to our psychological status quo.
Social rejection also arouses anger - it is interfering with our desire to have a connection to a person or a group.
Fear often accompanies anger - the fear of interference precedes the resentment of the interference, and fear may follow an outburst of anger because we expect the other party to retaliate. We may also fear the loss of self-control that comes of anger.
Anger is not a single emotion. It varies in intensity from mild annoyance to blinding rage. There are also different kinds of anger depending on the object and the cause.
Anger does not always prompt us to take action. Resentment and hatred are kinds of anger that can last a very long time, but does not require a specific action to be taken. We may be invoked by the presence of the hated or resented person to take action, but the hatred or resentment persists even when they are not present and there is not any action that can be taken. It's arguable whether hatred and resentment are emotions at all because they last for a long time - so they are neither emotions nor moods, but attitudes that are part of a person's character.
The expression of anger is meant to cause others to stop whatever behavior is interfering with the person who is expressing it, or to comply with their demands where uncooperativeness is provoking their anger.
In some instances, anger is not merely a feeling of wanting the interference to stop, but of wanting to do harm to another person. This makes anger the most dangerous emotion, as it provokes us to actions that can do physical, psychological, and social damage.
It is for this reason that anger is discouraged in most cultures - and because anger is not a socially acceptable emotion, there is often a sense of embarrassment, guilt, or disgust that comes from allowing oneself to be angered.
The physical reaction to anger - biting, hitting, and kicking - are evident in infants, but tends to decrease throughout childhood, generally terminating between the ages of six and eight years of age. When an older child or adult becomes physical violent as a result of their anger, it is a conscious decision to act upon their feeling rather than a reflexive action. (EN: other sources have made a distinction between the immediate and sustained violent action. The first punch might be an emotional action, but the second is always a deliberate decision.)
Even so, we tend to offer and accept the logic that a person is acting under the influence of anger. When someone says that they "lost their head" they expect to be forgiven. We are generally motivated to apologies and accept apology because we recognize the value of the social relationship - that while the person caused us to be angry in a given instance, there is potential future value to preserving that relationship. Where there is no existing relationship nor expectation of value in a future relationship, there is little reason to control our anger.
There is also a difference among people in the degree to which they express their anger: some people have a short fuse, and an outburst follows very quickly on the heels of the emotion whereas others tend to simmer and allow their feelings to fester. "Scientists do not yet know the source of such differences," and there is no agreement on which of these reactions is more harmful.
Diffusing anger requires being attentive to one's emotional state - to recognize when we are feeling angry and suppress the urge to take any action. "I believe nearly everyone can prevent acting or speaking when angry," the author states, but concedes that there are some people who appear unable to control their emotions.
There is also a distinction drawn between acts of anger that are committed in the moment - to stop the actions of an antagonist - and acts of anger that are committed long afterward - to take revenge for the harm done by the antagonist. Revenge or retaliation is always a deliberate act and is generally not connected to the emotion experienced at the loss that occurred.
The reaction of anger is not always destructive - particularly when another person is wrongfully interfering with our actions, our action against them stops their interference and instructs them not to interfere again. The penal system, with the formality of the courts and the institution of prisons, is a social institution based on revenge as a means to discourage future misconduct.
Biologically, anger is a self-defense mechanism: it is necessary for self-preservation to react against someone whom we believe means to cause us injury or who seems to intend to continue causing us further injury.
Socially, anger functions to send a clear message to "stay away," whether temporarily or permanently, when the behavior of another person makes us want to create temporary or permanent social distance. A vexatious person will fear our reaction, and so they withdraw.
Politically, anger at an injustice motivates people to make a positive change.
Suppressing anger also leads a person to be in an irritable mood, prone to react with anger disproportionate to the offense. This is often the case when a person suppresses their anger when they are unable to act or when action would have negative consequences, only to vent their anger on someone else over a minor offence (the man who is unjustly punished at work and cannot express his anger at his boss then goes home to beat his child over spilled milk). Being in an irritable mood tends to subvert logical decision-making.
However, an angry person does not have the capacity to consider whether his reaction is necessary or what reaction will have the most beneficial effect. In many instances, it is mere coincidence if an action taken in blind rage turns out to be the correct one, and in the correct measure.
There is some argument that we do not even know when we are angry until after the emotion has subsided - and after we have already taken action. There must be some pause, or a break in the action, for us to perform a self-diagnostic and recognize we are feeling the emotion.
The behavior of stonewalling is often an anger defense. It is found that when there is routine irritation in a relationship, one or both parties employ the strategy of becoming emotionally withdrawn in any encounter because they predict that they will become angry. Marriage counselors recognize this behavior in men more often than women in contentions relationships.
Another common tactic is to separate the action from the person - to recognize that you are upset because of what was done - as a means to preserving relationships in which there is a conflict. However, this is not always the case: there are individuals who intentionally provoke others: a bully wishes to intimidate others by interfering with them, a cruel person enjoys doing harm to others, and so on - this person counts on the other party to exonerate them and maintain a relationship with them in spite of the fact that they intend to do whatever they can to anger them. In such instances, it is entirely appropriate to direct the anger at the person rather than the behavior.
The author's best advice is simply to break off from interacting with someone who is irritating, and avoiding other people when you are in an irritated state or an irritable mood.
There are people who enjoy the intensity of the feeling of anger, and seek to react angrily at any opportunity, or to provide anger in others in order to participate in an escalating emotional conflict. They may find the physical sensation of anger thrilling, or feel more socially dominant when they express anger at others, or find that acting angry gets them privileges they could not obtain by a rational appeal. There are also those who take a cruel pleasure in invoking unpleasant emotions in other people, such as bullies and manipulators.
There is then a prolonged passage that describes the facial expression of a person who is angry. The most common physical indicators are that their eyes narrow, their lips tighten, and their eyebrows lower, causing vertical creases near the bridge of the nose.
Violence
Violence is the physical expression of anger, and it is usually considered to be damaging (except in instances where it is used in defense against an immediate threat of physical harm). In general, a person who reacts too often with violence, or to too great a degree, is considered to be emotionally dysfunctional.
Some scientists consider things other than physical actions to constitute violence - verbal attacks such as ridicule or insults that are intended to "damage" a person's self-esteem or social status. There are also aggressive behaviors, such as dominating a conversation, that are sometimes considered to be violent acts.
Societies differ in the degree to which they condone or even approve of violent behavior. Again, a violent action that prevents harm from occurring (self-defense) are often forgiven. In other instances, society justifies or mitigates the penalty for actions under the influence of anger: we distinguish "murder" from "manslaughter" as well as a typical assault from an "aggravated assault" and imposing a lesser penalty when an action was done by someone who was justified in being angry.
There is also the distinction between acts of violence that are premeditated and those that are impulsive - in court cases, it is often considered how many times a victim was bludgeoned or stabbed, the notion being that stabbing a person once is an impulsive act, whereas stabbing them a dozen times required a person to make a conscious decision to do harm.
Violence against children by upset parents is condoned, though to a lesser degree than in previous years. The author mentions his own daughter would dash into the street without checking traffic, at first out of impulse but then as a way of playing a trick on her father - it was only when she was nearly struck by a passing car and he hit her out of emotion that she stopped doing that. A statistic: more than 90% of parents admit having physically punished their toddlers.
There follows a bit of discussion about the different perceptions of violence in cultures - how things that some cultures find acceptable or normal are considered criminal or dysfunctional in others, and how our own society has become increasingly disapproving of violence.
Research on violence identifies both genetic and environmental causes for some people to be more violent than others - and while the evidence is not conclusive, there are plausible cases for both. But in the actual incidence of violence, environmental/developmental causes tend to be far more prevalent.
Recognizing Anger
The author coaches the reader to recall a time when they were angry with someone as a means to understand the manner in which they feel anger.
Typical symptoms of anger include feelings of agitation, increased in blood pressure, and muscle tension.
In all, it's a bit of a shrug, ending with the concession that anger is an emotion that is directed externally and that people who experience anger are not as introspective about anger as they are with other emotions. It is quite common for other people to notice we are angry before we recognize it in ourselves.
The visual indications of anger are easier to recognize in others: the face of anger displays downward-sloping eyebrows, a furrowed brow, and lips drawn tight. There is sometimes a reddening of the skin. The face, neck, and body exhibit signs of muscle tension and this is often reflected in the voice. Physically, there is a tendency to move the upper body toward whatever is causing the anger, in preparation to initiate a physical attack.
An angry person may speak louder or more softly, but whatever the volume the vocal qualities of tension are pronounced. A softer voice and lips pressed together tightly are indications of suppressing anger, though this differs by cultures.